i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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