if you like me you must not know who I am
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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