I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
