OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
