he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
