If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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