Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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