I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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