The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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