yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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