On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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