Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
