I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have post one night stand depression
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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