reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
