So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Randomize
