So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I look better un-naked...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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