you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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