I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
