I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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