Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
