Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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