First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize