i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
