At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
