hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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