My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
