What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
