i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
