Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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