RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
