So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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