I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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