Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
