omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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