I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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