I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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