I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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