At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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