Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
