Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
