great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
