His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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