I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
