Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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