Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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