Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
