fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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