Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
