Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
