it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Holy sore nipples Batman
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
