that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
