OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
