just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
