never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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