So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
