We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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