Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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