i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
