i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
