Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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