It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
love makes seman taste better
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
