my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
