Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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