They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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