You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
