Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
