for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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