she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize