I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
someone owes me an orgasm
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
