im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
